husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

If you dont trust me, and I have not given you reason not to, were done. Since its also a town that does very well at marketing itself as a destination for conferences (their facilities and amenities are really good, and I imagine their pricing is great because of demand is high enough to keep them low) then it makes sense that your work is choosing it as a place to send the managers since it sounds like an out of town conference is generally a thing they need to do. And to the people who says its HIS problem, not HERS Im of a view that when you say I Do, His and Hers becomes OUR, it becomes US. And thats Congo. (A high crime rate gets lots of news coverage, with dramatic photos; a major reduction in the crime rate doesnt, because TV news doesnt want pictures of people walking down the street in safety with friends, doing their shopping, picnicking in the park.). ), Yeah man, Id be super bummed if my wife went to Vegas and didnt take me with her, I freakin love Vegas!. The hotel was phenomenal, though! my brain had done, we laughed), but absolutely had that reaction. It can feel very cruel to set boundaries and do what you need to do for yourself when it feels like your partner is suffering, but the accommodations are just very temporary band-aids. I think its fine for different people to have different types of relationships. sienna plantation inventory homes; masters in international law and diplomacy; is daffodil water poisonous; Business trips are the only time I like going to Vegas. There are tons of families and people who live in Vegas or visit Vegas and do pretty normal things. (Im in counseling FWIW, he wont go.) I think if OPs husband was acting reasonably, this would be a good solution. Me: Um, what now? I may have missed a comment already saying this, but looking for a way to put the husband in the best possible light, does he work in a field that never had business travel? 8 1 11 1. You also cannot learn anything while youre in a state of fear. For example, phone #: 123-333-4567. The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun. I read books. This is a case where you cannot cater to his anxiety or insecurity. Im not even sure how I would react to that. Everyones mileage will vary of course, but thats the choice I made. AND that a little drinking and dancing and playing roulette (pick your game), or even a LOT of drinking and dancing and playing roulette, which is what many people do is Las Vegas, is not a particularly scandalous thing to many people. And honestly he would be the first to say that the breaks when Im away, and he can eat PBJ sandwiches for dinner, are refreshing for him too. He wasnt healthy for me. But they LOVE the idea of going there and want you to have lots of fun! You should go to counseling, alone and together if hell go with you, because I cant tell if hes super anxious, or just super controlling. The following photos show exactly what can go wrong when you try to take a family photo. Husband and I live three hours away from Vegas. Theres concern, and then theres overreacting. It also couldnt be. In fact, were taking separate vacations this year not to Vegas, but we each wanted something completely different, so were going at different times to different parts of the world. (And I love it when he goes on trips: he likes traveling.) Has he ever left the house? My mom believes that her quiet suburban neighborhood and my own are overrun by prowling sex offenders when the sun goes down. If I genuinely believed he was in danger, this would be insulting beyond words. And in small towns all over America people are being shot in churches, schools, shopping malls etc. He also accused her of sleeping with her boss constantly. He says its specific to Vegas, but its possible that hed be anxious no matter where OP went. I find this so interesting. should I be so emotionally drained by managing? The whole letting her go thing could be controlling or abusive, but it could also refer less to physical ability to go there and more not letting her go in peace, or without a bunch of needy whining adult tantrums. Then the next day drive another five hours and spend the night in a hotel then the final day if we drove five hours we would be at the beach. This is control issues and fear and jealousy and toxic masculinity, not a thing that needs compromising on or a relationship issue. For the OP, this is a marriage problem. Most of them. Yup, agreed. I was just coming here to ask if she asked him to Turn his key!. Should I take him into account? In many cities, there are few or no options to indulge in these vices, certainly not legally! I really hate the bad rap Vegas gets. If the question was my husband is forbidding it because of emergency X then we still have the same issue. My wife and I have two young kids. This is also what I pictured especially if he freaks out like this regularly-ish (every time she has a trip its a big ongoing issue for a chunk of time), his friends might have just learned to ride out the rant with general affirmative noises. I hope you go to Vegas and find love with someone who doesnt treat you like property. Its absolutely true, and she gets so. Hopefully the comment section will help the OP see what is going on here. My husband usually goes on an annual drinking trip with his buddies (they all go to a particular beer festival in a nearby city). There is plenty to do in Las Vegas that has nothing to do with sin and can be done in any big city (restaurants, shopping, going to theater, etc.). Yeah, I was hoping the OPs business trip wasnt over this weekend , This post was one of my first thoughts when I heard about the shooting . Op, your husband is out of line and sounds very insecure. Actually if you go off the Strip theres quite a few things to see and do around Vegas (also non-gambler here), desert hikes, assorted museums (notably neon art & the mob), and my personal favorite the Pinball Hall of Fame which has 100+ playable pinball machines (old and new). Not everything is family friendly (I.E. Which is actually one of the reasons why I think this is not just a control issue. We also were both active-duty for the first couple years we were together. Shes too fair to be naked out in that desert sun.. Totally. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. Shopping! This is stuff you gotta ask yourself. The main drag did not feel dangerous to me at all. We are both off work for the summer so we can easily split up the car ride and stop and get a hotel for. Clearly youve been abducted. But its also wildly irrelevant in terms of a OPs business trip. But in that case Anxious Controlling Husband would worry the OP would leave him for a donkey, Nothing like a donkey show joke to class up a comment thread. I'm in the car right now with a 6-week-old on what is usually a 11-hour drive, which we broke up into two days with a night at a hotel midway. I have no problem with him going to week-long management training or long weekends away for bachelor parties. Originally Published: Dec. 27, 2015. Its like I encouraged a learned behavior. Okay. And, in those cases both parties may need to adjust their behavior and / or way that they communicate. You dont have to have cause to break up with someone! Yeah, my parents clearly decided that it was a great place to take the kids nearly 20 years ago, and it was. If his anxiety is more travel related than trust related, there may besome reasonable actions you can take together to smooth them out. Overnight somewhere then do the same thing the next day. If your job is like mine, youll be standing all day training people on new products and campaigns and be totally exhausted at the end of the day. I think this is my problem with some of the suggestions that OP should bring her husband on the trip. And my husband has two business trips of at least four days each in the next two months and Im rather thrilled. asks from Lake Charles, LA on June 30, 2011. When I moved to a big city to go to grad school, I got ALL KINDS of concern, especially when I started working swing shift and got home at midnight! husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcynon valley history. I cannot stress how much this letter pisses me off. And not for couples counselling, either she needs to work on strategies to deal with him. When I hear wholesome I picture a stereotypical 50s scene with aprons and apple pie and gee golly instead of swearing. As someone in the convention industry, Vegas puts a LOT of effort into being a top convention destination (low cost, lots of large all-in-one spaces, lots of options for event entertainment), and pretty much every industry will have events that rotate through there. Its definitely a huge red flag that your husband takes a winky tongue-in-cheek ad campaign that seriously. Leave your phone on silent. Sure within reason. I hope some of it is helpful to you in some way. I also had this thought. When people ask me why, I reply that I dont drink, gamble, or enjoy naked women, so theres little to attract me there aside from some pretty good food, which I can get anywhere. Hecalledme, saying thatI acted childish becauseI pushed him totakeme, and Ieavesdropped. He may make it seem like you are choosing your career over your marriage, which of course causes you to feel guilty, but as my good friend said recently youre not choosing your career over him, youre choosing yourself over him. Im trying to take that advice to heart OP, hope you can too! Her hotel room was amazing, and Im pretty sure it had a little museum in that hotel too. You cant expect someone with a broken leg to ski down a mountain; you cant expect someone in an irrational state of fear to behave in a reasonable manner *in the moment*. Is he jealous he cant go with you? Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so. I deal with these irrational fears with a sort of ritual where I always leave people I love on a positive note and let them know how much I love them, since the thought is always running through my head that I may never see them again. Instead, things got worse. Your post will be hidden and deleted by moderators. Might I suggest Hotwire? OP, I believe that professional help figuring out what exactly is going on (including ruling in or ruling out a medical cause like primary anxiety or OCD) and getting professional treatment based on that, is the best first step for you here. Meanwhile, there are fewer property crimes in my very small town than there are in hers, and we havent had a murder since the 1990s. Vegas is changing a lot of its marketing these days to bill itself more as a family destination and/or more sophisticated and all that. Life is short. Well, this might seem like an obvious question, but have you told him that you need him to stop talking to you about this? I have some of this kind of anxiety myself and totally understand where your wife is coming from. Much better is Lundy Bancrofts Why does he do that?. Your wife is doing a normal thing and has given no signs she isnt anything but committed to you. Best of luck to you, LW. A three day annual business trip to any location is not an unreasonable expectation. I have one. It can be challenging to know when to kind of cater to her anxiety (she is able to relax much better if I check the door locks before bed than if she does it, so I do it but never more than once a night), and when to decide that her worry about a particular issue has passed the point where I can be supportive and is just on her to manage (I refuse to provide reassurance for a 7th round of what if this offhand comment I made at work was overheard by the wrong person and totally misinterpreted and I get fired and then I cant find another job and then we lose the house?). Hed go get a hotel room, and give me a call; he wouldnt be instantly homeless and alone, and I couldnt magically fix a burned house anyway. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. In addition to bolstering his position in our argument it had the nice (for him) side effect of alienating me from all of my friends who I believed were talking crap about me behind my back. Unless hes got super-deep anxiety, how do you just kind of throw out but you might CHEAT on me if you go to Sin City!! Most business conferences result in 3 days on location you probably wont leave the hotel. IMO once you start catering to this kind of thing, it does not ever get better. While she comes back with great stories of what she saw people doing, shes never felt in danger or anything like that. I suspect that insecurity over her being the primary breadwinner has a lot to do with it (deeply ingrained social conceptions are still a thing). Entertainment loves to show affairs starting in the office, people lying about business trips when they have a whole nother family, etc. Right now hes in Alaska shooting a documentary. Iam lost. OP, I have a few questions: do you travel overnight to other places for your work? Im all for giving your loved ones the name of the hotel youre staying at and checking in on a nightly basis (Ive done it myself) but if hes being controlling and/or anxious, there may be no amount of information that will be enough to assuage him. Youre five minutes late? That doesnt mean I believe totally that hubby polled everybody and reports the results fairly, but it really doesnt have to be an indication that he ignored a local majority to find like-minded people. Thank you for sharing this. Best of luck on your issues, and I hope you get the resolution youre seeking! There is no amount of structuring my life that would have kept me from feeling anxious. Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. They sometimes ask if Im from some sort of obscure cult, or something. and I was gutted. Ill throw this out too just in case. I wonder if one solution wouldnt just be to bring her husband WITH her (on her own expense and probably paying for their own room)? Im glad you left that loser. I wish you the best. Yeah you can get into some crazy stuff there for sure, but lots of people bring their small children to Vegas for vacation too (which bugs me somewhat but hey whatever). I think the intent is clear, though; its that the nameless sources would object to their spouses going. And hes trying to sabotage your livelihood with his nonsense? Going to the store and picking out our own groceries is the easiest thing in the world for us. Did you see the memo that was going around from Travis Kalanik of Uber (shortly before he was forced out)? In NYC? I hope he really is as great as you say, and that this is a one-off. (And yes, counseling 100%, do ASAP since whatever the underlying cause is, not likely to just disappear. Besides, the OP is going to spend most of her time in a conference room that looks like every other conference room in the western world, anyway. I do know some people (who have never been to Vegas!) My mom is convinced that as soon as the sun goes down, everyone is a drunk driver. The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. Expect it to hurt, though, and to feel guilty over it. It made no sense. At the end of the day, the big problem with his indifference is the burden it puts on you to be the functioning adult in the relationship. What level of dealing with him can you actually do during these three days AND be able to focus on your work stuff? Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!) Rationalist who is deeply against living by social norms is a great big flashing warning sign that says DO NOT ASSOCIATE WITH THIS PERSON. It could be, but its tougher to stay up all night gambling and partying in the middle of the week in NY or SF. Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. As someone who also suffers from anxiety and irrational fears about my partners safety, this is such a kind response and vivid description of how (otherwise) reasonable people can become unreasonable. They are readily available and heavily marketeda sudden whim or fancy could be a reality very quickly. Just dont! as a 1000 decibel chorus of YES! husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. He easily sleeps 4 hours. Vegas is one of the cheapest options with the best meeting facilities. Im just going to share my experience if it doesnt fit, let it roll off your back. Just on the wholesomeness scale, it tries way harder to be cool older brother than, say, Omaha or Iowa City. I think OP and her husband are from a more conservative background. On every occasion, he made rules like I could never go anywhere alone and I had to call him at a specific time every day. If youre from a community where a spouse needs to sign off on business travel and letting you go is a real thing, I suggest couples counseling to explore that. But even if its absolutely true that hes worried about this, NO WAY should OP allow her husbands irrational fear sabotage her job! the religious environments patriarchal enough that it would be an inherent problem would ALSO have a problem with the woman being the one who works. Not that I am saying that the Letter Writer should invite her husband. Food! Hope you will enjoy the holiday! Ive gone to Vegas for work and my husband just told me to have a good time and made jokes about what kind of stuff I might get up to while I was there because we knew Id mostly be bored and cranky with the work situation. Vegas has a convenient airport, massive conference facilities, and tons of hotels that cater to business travelers. Sogoahead and book that trip, and then make sure you spend asmuch time relaxing aspossible before your departure. Give me a conference in Vegas any day. I think. Right? Your man doesnt have much of an opinion of you, does he? Hang up the phone, turn it off, walk out of the room, leave the house and walk the dog or go for a drive, stop and get yourself a meal out somewhere. The reason companies go there is because theres big convention centers and lots of cheap flights. Ive also recently spent a weekend away with a close friend at a lake for a swimming event, and numerous overnight trips to see my family or friends in other parts of the country. One woman I met recently on a week-long work trip said it was the longest time shed been apart from her husband in 15 years. Especially as she is the primary breadwinner, shes got to be allowed to do her jobeven if it means travelling to Vegas. When hed worry about what to do if, say, the house burned down while i was gone, I pointed out he could handle it just fine. Ehhh, I actually dont see so much wrong with friends weighing in on aspects of ones relationship when a friend comes to me and says, This is something thats happening in my relationship, would you call that problematic? I definitely dont say, Its none of my business! I give them my read of the situation, just as they do for me. It is obvious that anyone who says that has never been here, because there arent even that many people who are obviously Muslims living here. I understand your point, but I think that it is in the LWs best interest to suggest counseling first since she says her husband is otherwise reasonable and kind. And the issue was never me, or our marriage or anything like that, it was entirely a him problem, his anxiety and fear due to an accident we had Christmas eve one year. But its a pretty serious one-off. It was a blast! Seriously, OP this is *NOT* normal. I can tell you thisd be a divorce-level issue if I did it with my wife. Its not legal in Las Vegas, although theres probably a lot of escort services, youre probably thinking of Reno, where they have legal brothels that have to follow a ton of regulations. Im also someone that really tries to give the benefit of the doubt though. I used to travel 3 weeks out of the month from Wed-Sun for work and often traveled by myself to large cities as well as smaller locations and never felt unsafe. OP, only you can make the choice about whether this marriage is worth staying in. Also it can help having an objective outsider there. Ive only been to Vegas twice. Its bizarre to talk about letting another adult do anythingtalk about patronizing. And I really dont want to camp with a bunch of guys drinking beer, poking the fire and talking about cars (or whatever it is they talk about). You deserveit! Companies hold meetings in Vegas because its a popular corporate destination, not because theyre plotting to destroy employees marriages.). He would also get mad at my mom for not responding to his texts even when he knew she was driving somewhere. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationray florets and disc florets are present in 2022.07.03 . We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. Thats pretty seriously delusional thinking. Twenty. I agree. Hopefully, a good counselor will see what, if any, underlying issues may be playing into this mess and refer him in the right direction. Flights and hotels are cheap, because of the focus on tourists everything is really convenient for travelers, the food is good, there are great conference facilities. Turned out my wife was in the backyard mowing but had taken a break before I drove up and my son was upstairs playing quietly on the computer. Thanks for your thoughtful self-awareness. Its not clear how much of this is general anxiety versus a specific concern about Las Vegas, but for the latter, some combination of yeah, Vegas might have been like that fifty years ago, but this is 2017 and its tame now and you cant believe everything you see on TV, theyre just going for the ratings might help. Im flummoxed that a whole group of people would respond this way to a very normal thing like a business trip, particularly when presented with the reasoning OP outlined in the letter. If my partner acted like he thought he got a vote on whether I was allowed to do things, especially things relating to my career, Id laugh him out of the relationship so fast hed get whiplash. Thank you for acknowledging that this is not normal and is something you can work on. This is great, Anon Poster. Scheduled calls keep him more relaxed. Please be safe, and let us know what happens. Of course shes going to say IM the one with a problem. As Allison said, people travel for work all the time. I never said anything about kiddnaping I had 3 seperate friends get sexually assaulted there. And the Flamingo is fun because its what I imagine the trashy, gaudy old Vegas was like so when Im there I pretend Im like a mobsters wife or something. I think that marriage counseling is the right way to go. Maybe you call once a day in the evening to say hi, but otherwise tell him youre not going to be responding to messages, because youre busy with work. It really seems like your husband doesnt trust you, and as AAM said, that is a relationship problem. If his fears really are Vegas-specific, spending time there might help. She doesnt like it when I had lied to her but its alright to lie to me and Im not welcome to come along and stay in a another hotel. Many manage to avoid devil-worshipping sex orgy kidnapping extravaganzas for almost the entire year. I have informed him and he hasnt taken it very well. I won money on a work trip to Vegas - do I have to donate it to my employer? Heres to many years of not feeling needless guilt. I dont see it as misogynist. Thats it. Prostitution is NOT legal in Las Vegas. My colleagues travel all over the world, sometimes to places in great upheaval where they have to have military escorts. He even did it the one time I was staying *in a convent*. The big hotels are super experienced and the conference ran just about as smoothly as something of that size possibly could. He wouldnt try and prevent me from going on one of those trips because it is work, but he used to fret quite a bit and if I didnt text when he expected (or didnt have phone service) he would panic (as in call highway patrol level panic). Thank you, other wise my husband is very supportive. Do please note, even if he does have terrible anxiety or other mental health issues, hes also behaving in a really sexist manner, and being disabled doesnt give you carte-blanche permission to be a jerk. There were also a TGI Fridays, a Hard Rock Cafe and a Coldstone Creamery. Really? When all youre seeing is airports, shuttle buses, the hotel, and a conference room, everything kind of looks the same. What do you think of the trip? Thats a very important distinction to make, between thing in and not in the LWs control. If he balks or outright refuses, then that might be a signal that theyre in abusive territory and LW should consider solo counseling to decide how best to handle it. Giving the husband the most benefit of the doubt possible, its possible he rants and raves and his friends all go hmm, interesting. Not seeing any benefit in engaging someone whos clearly nuts on the subject. The kidnapping angle *might make sense if it wasnt Vegas but, say, Tijuana. Meaning they side with the wife on this one. The timelines even fit perfectly. Or I can save you the time and point out that I characterized him as jealous and controlling, and never used the word yall seem determined to stick in my mouth. Id love to see a red flag exercise at Nellis AFB. I go on frequent trips completely by myself, or with girlfriends, and he is not at all jealous/controlling (he doesnt love travel like I do which is why hes not going with, suits us fine). Both of us are fairly standard issue normative American. Just that it might be (MIGHT) an explanation. Whats wrong with disembark? Its a lot less horrendous than deglove, whats the issue? That was plenty for me, for the social experience.). It took getting out (and lots of tears, letting some of the love-roots pull out from my heart with time and distance, and lots of therapy) to realize that he really was some of those things and others he wasnt, but it was irrelevant because he was still hurting me. Ha, my team at Exjob traveled all the time (consultants) and they said the only thing good about it was the FF miles and points. My mom cancelled their first date and was always busy when he tried to reschedule until she finally gave in. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcomo llegar a los alpes franceses husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. Nope. Which update is that? Companies have meetings there because the hotels are set up for them, and its incredibly easy. And nobody is reasonably going to crazy drug orgies where they might be at risk, during a work event. Yeah, support common technique, but we dont know what we dont know, till we know it. If I got raped on travel, Id still be the same person when I came home; its an injury and itd make some things inconvenient, its unpleasant to think about, Id need to get STD tests before we were intimate again, and Id need some hugs from him once I got home, but getting raped is not the end of the world. Especially if as I suspect he doesnt have a position or isnt in a field where corporate retreats and meetings are a thing. And I do like some gambling. But if all your life experiences back it up, its not until youre faced with a new point of view (i.e., your wife goes on a business trip) that any of these beliefs even come to the surface. I know its forbidden to comment on typos, but the gamboling is perfect! If you miss out on a promotion or are the first let go in the layoffs because you refused to go to this conference, you will look back on this with regret. Because someone whos having this kind of anxiety is going to get worse, not better if they do nothing to address the underlying issue. Even the others theyre married to. Same here. Vegas skeezy rep is about 50 years out of date at this point. Conversely, if he came home with the same news, my response would be, Thats great! Arguments are by turns rewarding, arousing (in the physical arousal sense), angering, and anxiety-provoking. Im going to start with a description, because people often ignore this anxiety is a horrible physical and mental state to be in. We're glad we did it to see it's totally do-able. Either way, the poster is mimicking them in an exaggerated way in order to make them appear more foolish and unreasonable than they would if portrayed accurately. Vegas does business trips right. No constant phone calls/other distractions.) My cousins wife asks permission for everything and it makes me side-eye that entire side of my family. Can we leave this here rather than derailing on it? Good luck to you in standing firm. I will never ever return or step foot in an obnoxious casino. At some level, I doubt he even realizes at this point whats going on. This makes me so mad on behalf of the OP! Bigger point being ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS and not their place to weigh in. OP, you should look at this exclusively as a problem your husband has, not a problem with work or the relationship. Unless, its a SERIOUSLY homogeneous group, whichis possibleunfortunately. And who are all these people in his scientific study that are so against letting their SO go to Las Vegas for a business trip??

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