how to ask someone for help

Support wikiHow by Talk to a close friend or family about cooking, social support, or getting a specific task done. But several research studies have shown that people often guess wrong about the people they want to ask. They might suggest different ways of getting assistance or other people to ask. That’s something that you can think about and formulate before you actually sit down to ask someone for their help. Don't feel weak, insecure, or embarrassed by asking for help. This is called delegating tasks. Mention their expertise, a referral, or your personal connection. Asking for help is a natural part of life, so why not learn how to do it better? If you really can’t stand to see another ad again, then please consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. How you ask for help can vary in different settings. When you want a favor from someone you respect, let the person know that this is why you're coming to her. Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 crisis support via text, and those in crisis can text 741741 to be connected with a trained Crisis Counselor. I need to find local help downsizing my lifestyle and performing chores and errands. It can feel uncomfortable to ask for help with physical or mental health issues, especially since it can feel like you don’t seem like you’re “visibly” sick. Asking for help at the office is hard--of course you don't want to look like you're passing the buck, being lazy, or admitting defeat. You’ll also see how the way you ask can vary in different situations. First, know what symptoms you are looking for. Actually, add some value first.” This “you first” approach is how I’ve been able to get the advice of best-selling authors, superstar CEOs, and all kinds of fascinating people. By sharing my knowledge, I increase the probability that someone will find help. “Everyone wants something from you guys,” he said. Somebody would come running or somebody would say: ‘What’s wrong, what’s wrong?’ Just very simply to say Help! You’ll likely receive the same kind treatment when you find yourself in a bind. So go ahead, ask for help more often and see what happens. I ask this because I am in this condition now and I am looking for assistance. Accept, Step 2: Clarify What Kind of Help You Need, Examples of How to Ask for Help in Any Situation, But several research studies have shown that people often guess wrong about the people they want to ask. Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 crisis support via text, and those in crisis can text 741741 to be connected with a trained Crisis Counselor. And fortunately, these email templates make that … Asking for help at the office is hard--of course you don't want to look like you're passing the buck, being lazy, or admitting defeat. Laurel received her Master of Social Work from Columbia University in 2019. Ask for help from a medical professional. - You want to promote empathy from the other person, so show your vulnerability in some way. This article has been viewed 243,557 times. By signing up you are agreeing to receive emails according to our privacy policy. You can pick out dessert if you help me put a meal together.”, How to ask for help after a death or tragedy. What if I'm worried about the fact it may crush a friendship since they have built up the one asking for help and do not want to seem incapable? If you ask anyone for money, offer your time and service in return. - Why did you choose them to help you? Your loved ones will want to pitch in but may not know where you need help the most. See what I could do better?”, How to ask a family member or friend for help, “Could you help me move some furniture in my house this weekend? Show respect. This article was co-authored by Laurel Schwartz, MSW. ; Goal - What your desired outcome is. - What is your specific need? Not only can you understand what it’s like to be on the other side of the coin, but the process can seem less intimidating. Enlisting the help of your network in your job search can feel a little awkward. to ask for something in an urgent or emotional way. Maybe you feel embarrassed or scared that you’ll be turned down. Everyone needs help at some point. Narrow down the part that you need help with, or a physical location if that applies. 2. Take advantage of the support of your community, too. Often times these groups will direct you to programs that will help with one area of your financial problem, such as assistance with your heating bill or classes in money management. Yet someone with a physical illness typically reaches out for help while a depressed person often isolates rather than seeking help. Recognize that you may be interrupting them, then ask about a good time to talk. Do you need to explain a big picture situation, or do you have a specific topic to discuss? Clearly, people are much more lik… How to ask for help at work or school . You need help from someone and you are going to ask for help. How do I find organizations or individuals to help me? Mom could use some meals delivered to the house. Ask a teacher. You also don’t have to be at some terrible dead-end or crossroad in life only to seek help. Trevor June 16th, 2016 at 4:14 PM . This link will open in a new window. It is important to see beforehand that the person is free to help you. Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker. Prepare a list of specific questions that you have for them. Or maybe you’re a student struggling with a tough homework assignment. These examples show what to focus on when you approach someone. I need help creating this document, and I heard you know a lot about it.”, “Hi, I’m in your English class and your Algebra class. And when you … “5 Ways to Get Better at Asking for Help.”, hbr.org/2014/12/5-ways-to-get-better-at-asking-for-help, Flynn, Frances, and Lake, Vanessa, “‘If You Need Help, Just Ask’: Underestimating compliance with direct requests for help.”, www.gsb.stanford.edu/faculty-research/publications/if-you-need-help-just-ask-underestimating-compliance-direct-requests. % of people told us that this article helped them. - When do you need help? If you can help me with this essay, we could go through our Algebra homework together.”, “Jess, I have this report almost finished, but I’m terrible at spreadsheets. “I’m so sorry to ask you for this, Heidi, but I could really use your help with this assignment. verb. ; Struggle - What specifically is stopping you from achieving your desired outcome. Think about your problem and decide what missing part matters the most. Keep in mind you may need to speak to a few different people before you get the help you need. And it’s about more than just helping you get a task done. Could you do me a favor? You can say, “I’ve love to ask for your help with something. Laurel Schwartz is a Crisis Counselor for Crisis Text Line, a nonprofit that has exchanged over 100 million messages with people in crisis around the US. - Who needs help? Most people want to be helpful, and a person is less likely to turn you away when you ask this question directly. If you asked someone for help and they didn't come through, don't be afraid to ask someone else. Many communities have organizations that will help individuals in financial crisis. For example, they may offer resources such as childcare or assistance with food. - Show a willingness to listen and learn from the other person. It’s a release that helps ease the burden of keeping whatever it is that’s bothering you a secret. We all need help sometimes, but asking for it can feel uncomfortable. I need help creating this document, and I heard you know a lot about it.” You may want to make a list of what you need help with and rank the importance of each need by assigning a number from 1-10 to every item. Be Brief and Clear: Your message should have a specific request (e.g., "I'm looking for leads on jobs at tech companies in the tri-state area.") You can help him self-publish this project via Kickstarter. Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. ”, “We need help cleaning up the basement after it flooded. Helping people is an opportunity to share your gratitude and generosity with others. Often times these are ngo's (non-government organizations) or are church based. You could even send your helper a gift or a card to express your gratitude. Last Updated: November 14, 2019 Usually it’s used when what you’re asking doesn’t require a huge amount of effort from the person that you’re asking for help. The word help is regarded as a negative. Help is the very short word and we can just say help. you scratch my back (and I’ll scratch yours) phrase. The more you do it, the easier it gets. Make sure your list is simple and accurate so it’s easier to get the right kind of help. Linked In. Let’s take a look a look at that in action. “Mom, I just need to be alone today before the memorial service. Next make a list of people who could help you and match each person with a particular need that they are best suited to aid with. Don't ask for something that the person is paid to do unless you are willing to fork over some money or barter your own services. Ask with the intent of giving help in return, and use your request as a chance to spend time together. Would you mind showing me another sample problem?”. Can you take care of that? These examples show what to focus on when you approach someone. I'm afraid that the only person I can ask for help will make fun of me. Be understanding if they decline, and help them brainstorm other ways to help you. It also moves your mindset in a generous direction, which is good for all your social connections. Asking for help can be uncomfortable, and people want to avoid the embarrassment of rejection, so they say nothing. This is another really common way to ask for help in English. But needing support like this doesn’t make you a weak or less valuable person. I am having a problem with ____. Remember that it’s okay to ask for help, and give yourself credit where credit is due. In the U.S., we try to solve problems on our own. Unlock expert answers by supporting wikiHow, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/turning-straw-gold/201106/how-ask-help, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/marian-l-knapp/when-to-ask-for-help_b_11154958.html, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201610/7-effective-ways-ask-help-and-get-it, http://kidshealth.org/en/teens/help-obstacles.html#, http://fortune.com/2014/08/28/how-asking-for-help-actually-helps-you/, https://hbr.org/2014/12/5-ways-to-get-better-at-asking-for-help, https://tinybuddha.com/blog/the-art-of-receiving/, https://hbr.org/2013/02/how-to-give-a-meaningful-thank, consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. For example, "low cost dentists in San Diego, California.". “Through the very act of asking people, I connected with them. Creative ways to show someone you're thinking of them, Tips for Planning (and Attending) a Funeral Using Zoom, 10 Best Online Memorial Sites: Cost, Features + Reviews, Buyer’s Guide to Gravestones & Markers: Types, Cost + Reviews. If your friend is sick, offer to drop off some food for them. Can you help me sort through some things in my storage room? I want to make a difference and I need help with signs, dog walking, fundraisers, and finding homes for the dogs. Let them know you care with a thoughtful surprise. Can you walk with me?”, “I have to cut out a lot of things in my diet now, and you’re a lot better at cooking than I am. You might feel like you didn’t receive the sort of helpful advice that you were hoping for. Here are some ways to ask someone to help you: Would you mind helping me? That social pressure alone drives people to say, “how can I help,” even if they would hesitate for other reasons. Unfortunately, it can feel tough to ask for help. Once you’ve found someone who has some distance from your problem, ask for their permission to start spilling your feels. Instead of saying to your partner, “I need you to help more around the house,” you may say, “Could you please take the trash out and also do a load of laundry, please?”, Don’t tell your co-worker, “I’m so swamped! Do you have some ideas?”, Asking for Help Means Being Grateful and Generous, Baker, Wayne. Asking for help from someone who is actually an expert in the area can be a wonderful way to pick up something new. Before you ask for help, clarify what you need. You’ll learn about why you should ask for help more often, and how to prepare yourself before you say a word. Stop into a nearby store, or ask the bus driver which stop you need. You can do an internet search for "financial assistance" + your city and state. Could you lend me a hand?It’s a casual, relaxed way to ask for help. Maybe you just had your first mentoring session with your boss. Instead of canceling your next meeting, try again. Do you know anything about ____? Look to your family and community for help. Assuming you have a good relationship, they will probably be happy to help you out. If you’re not sure whether or not it is a good time, just ask. Sometimes people are busy with their own problems and are unable to offer help even if they want to. Just put a little bit of stress on it to show that you need some help. Spell out what you want in plain language. How can I ask for help again, when this person has helped me more than once before? Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 243,557 times. If your professor stayed after class to go over your paper with you, say, “Thanks for staying. Instead, say, “I know we’re both busy, but you seem to be handling the stress better than me. It meant a lot to me to be able to just put my feet up after a long day at work.”. Once you know what kind of help you need, consider who to ask. The same goes for any profession. plead. Express how grateful you are and ask if there's anything you can do for her in return. Do you have any free time on/at ____(day, date, time)? Talking to someone in a safe space can help you figure out what you’re feeling. If you know you are struggling, make an appointment with your doctor, and tell them what has been going on. Your loved ones will want to pitch in but may not know where you need help the most. The following steps will unpack the process of asking for help. Your respectful behavior shows that you are open-minded and trusting. Do you have time to take my place at the meeting this afternoon so that I can get caught up?”, Try not to say things like, “I’m so stupid. So do I ask a friend to ask one of their friends? Do you need to gather knowledge or complete a task? When you help someone out, you often learn a lot more about yourself, your ego and your needs, which is essential to learning how to ask for help to start with. Perhaps the easiest way to overcome the pain of asking for help is to realize that most people are surprisingly willing to lend a hand. Every day, a number of people ask me for help. 5. Just don’t ask for anything! Be specific with your needs and know that others care about your wellbeing. If you need help when you’re grieving, ask friends and family. You may feel vulnerable speaking up for help, but a certain degree of vulnerability can help you find the help you need. People generally like to see themselves as useful, and are often willing to take action when asked. To learn more from our Counselor co-author, like who to ask for help for your situation, keep reading the article! {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a9\/Ask-for-Help-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Ask-for-Help-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a9\/Ask-for-Help-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/aid587631-v4-728px-Ask-for-Help-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"